DECEMBER 31, 2012

This has been a very busy year here in my home. With two precious babies to keep me busy, growing, changing, turning 1 and 2.  They have gone home now to be with their bio family.  I truly enjoyed this year, busy as it was, and now I look forward to what the new year brings.

We are a family of 5 right now instead of 7, my two olders and two youngers now a 6 year old and a 5 year old turning 6 in January.  We are adjusting to the change until the next precious charge's enter our door and lives.

For now, I am taking some time for relaxing, heading to the beach with a friend, just the two of us, for a few days.  Hoping for some rainless days so that we can walk the beach and do a little window shopping. We've been without rain for the past few days, but in the Pacific Northwest it can always be expected. Mild snow visited us this afternoon and freezing temperatures are expected tonight.

We had a wonderful, but busy Christmas celebrating the birth of Jesus and filled with everyone we love.  Hope yours was filled with love and joy, making memories with those you love most and best.

Have a safe and happy new year as we enter 2013.

THIS WEEK

Made a trip to the mall yesterday, while I was there and watching the activity that was going on all around me I couldn't help thinking about the tragedy that had occurred in Connecticut and here in Oregon this week and how unimportant it seemed to be there at that moment.  The children and families that have been affected during this season when the world should be celebrating is so sad, my heart is heavy.  In light of this very sad time do something kind for someone today to show the world there is some good.

LOOK WHAT'S NEW AROUND HERE

A bright Spring afternoon brought such delight!

I'm liking each day since with this sweetness!

These are the best kinds of days around here, everyone is happy!

Two sisters, 16 months and 6 months.  Oh, the sweet pink goodness!

PROUD TO CALL HER DAUGHTER

Blessed beyond measure my life has been since bringing this beautiful young lady home 18 years ago.  Just turning three months when we first met in that small orphanage in Vera Cruz, Mexico, I still remember walking into that dormitory and seeing her for the first time among several others.  Sweet, tiny and precious,  I hoped that she would be mine; as it turned out she was.

And she grew and grew and grew and became a wonderful daughter and friend.  She makes me proud of her so often and she has again recently when we received news that she made the Deans List at College, with a GPA of 3.25.  Congratulations! Great job...I love you so much.

IT'S SNOW'S IN MARCH

It is very unusual for us to have snow so late into March, but it was a welcome surprise.  In several hours it dropped a few inches. The daffodils were a little freaked out but came around later today when the sun warmed up everything.

I'm back online, needing to catch up.   Had a great trip to San Diego, gorgeous beach weather, beautiful weddings, celebrating birthday's and reuniting with several friends.  

A precious, little 4 year old girl has joined our family.  Really enjoying her cute, bold ways and big brown eyes. 

NEW YEARS NEWS

At the start of the holidays my computer crashed. With the busyness of the season there has been no time for thinking about it, though I have missed this space. I am on a borrowed computer tonight and don't know how soon I will have a new one. With our upcoming travel to Southern California for two very special weddings I imagine it won't be for some time.

However, we had a wonderful holiday spent with family and friends, and received news that our adoption was finalized; of this little guy. We are very excited and thankful to God for bringing him into our lives and allowing us to call him son and brother.  The adoption finalized on December 29th; we are only waiting for his updated birth certificate giving him his new last name.  Celebrating after the return from our trip.  Delighted!

Wishing you all the very best for your New Year...

PLACEMENT STABILITY

When foster children leave their families to come into care it is important for them to be able to establish an attachment with the foster family. This helps lessen behavior and mental health disorders. It is a time for healing and where these children should find a stable and nurturing environment. It is our responsibility as foster parents to do everything we can to ensure that these children find security and hope in our homes. This will help, greatly, eliminate the possibility of multiple placements. In-other-words, moving from home to home. Finding ways to connect with the children is important to their well being.

Unfortunately, I so often hear of foster families that cannot handle circumstances surrounding a child placed with them and request that the child be moved. Though I understand that there are situations that warrant a move I firmly believe that with a little hard work and TLC on the part of the foster parent there can be positive outcomes, eliminating the need for a new placement.

As a foster family, I have found that by welcoming the children into our home unconditionally and accepting them as a family member, we have had mostly positive experiences. The children usually accept their new life and develop a sense of belonging and security. Consistently meeting their needs allows attachments to form and brings trust, and that is the goal to being successful. Is it a lot of work? You bet, but the rewards are great.

Every child has strengths and challenges, it is our responsibility to make foster care a place for healing and work through the challenges so that the strengths emerge and stability is established.

The goal is stability, this helps eliminate disruption and the need for multiple moves while in foster care. When a child has consistency and openness they have a general sense of control in their lives.

There is a significant portion of foster children that experience multiple moves during their time in the foster care system, commonly three or more moves. I don't know if there are any statistics to support it, but my guess is that a good portion are related to behavior and mental health problems in these children, and foster families unable to cope.

Over all, I have experienced that by meeting their most fundamental needs and by being consistent in boundaries and expectations, by forming stability and trust, giving love and affection, attachments form and with attachments I have found that the children in my care generally desire to please and make home a fun place to be.

HOME AGAIN

The Shore Pines and Ocean come together in the Pacific Northwest.

Had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! Our stay at the beach house was just what we needed for a cozy weekend away with family. Lot's of nesting, eating, playing, walking, talking and loving.

We had beautiful weather on Friday and took a walk into town, visiting many of the shops. Stopped by the park for a swing and slide break for the little ones. Enjoyed the sunshine and the smell of the ocean on a crisp Novemeber afternoon.

Saturday, a bit overcast, but not too cold, took us to the state park up the road and some play along the beach. A lovely getaway enjoyed by all.

WE'RE GETTING CLOSER

November is officially National Adoption Month and what better time to celebrate our adoption! There is an adoption awareness event happening at Lloyd Center in Portland, Oregon, Here

I just received the adoption paperwork this week, which means we are getting closer to finalizing, and wouldn't it be wonderful if it could happen this month? The adoption worker stopped by and told me that this would be the last time she would visit, yipee!! If you think about it, please help me pray that we can finalize very soon.

The road from the day I first met my little guy until now has been a long one. Two and a half years have passed since that day. It has been a road of many twist and turns, of uncertainty and anticipation. A road to building and growing a family.  One that has been amazing and life changing.

I've had this little one for more than half of his life. He came as a foster child uncertain of his future, but we've loved him as our own and he had become a family member long before now. He has always called me mommy, which is significant to me.

As I began this journey into Foster Care, I had little thought about whether or not I would adopt again. But Gods purposes are always made known as He opens and closes doors. I wanted to help, in some small way, make a difference in the lives of children that were taken out of unfortunate situations. I wanted to give them hope for their futures, to love them and be loved by them. I wanted to give back to my community in a way that would make a difference.  Little did I know the plans God had for me when I started out on this wonderful journey.

As we celebrate our abundance and give God praise for the many blessings he pours out on our lives, we wait.

WHAT IS A FOSTER PARENT?

The Merriam Webster dictionary says to foster is to "promote the growth or development of" or "to give parental care to."

As a foster parent I am providing a home and a safe environment for the children in my care.  I show them that life is good and model good and appropriate behavior.  I do things with them that they may never have had the opportunity to do with their own families.  They are provided nutritious meals, clothes and toys to play with.  They are taken to doctor and dental appointments regularly.  Most importantly they are given lots of love and affection, opportunities to express themselves and learn to deal with their emotions while in my care.

When children are brought into care there are many changes going on in their lives, often they are leaving everything familiar to them behind (families, friends, schools, pets ect).  This brings alot of emotion and I am part of a team helping the children work through their emotions.  It is very important for the children to have a peaceful place to live.  All children need role models and this is especially true for children who come into foster care.

I have many challenging opportunites, but these children benefit greatly by the love and support they are given through a good foster family.  With research that shows foster children being at risk of becoming poor Americans in society it is my responsibility to advocate  for them and to get them the best educational opportunities possible while they are in my care.  Teaching them  adequate life skills so that they can be more successful is also a responsiblity that I take seriously.

My responsibility as a foster parent is to be a team member, a skilled caregiver, avocate, a behavioral managment specialist, a parent, teacher  and a multitude of other skills.  The decision to foster parent is life changing and requires the involvement of the entire foster family, it won't work otherwise.

I am a colleague among the child welfare team and have a voice in decisions being made for the children in my care. I have the responsibilities that many traditional families have, but also have responsibilities to the child welfare system.  Keeping informed about special needs children and meeting training requirements are part of what is expected of a foster parent.  This helps keep us on track and knowledgable of how to work with the special needs of the unique and individual children in our care.

There is nothing greater than knowing that, as a foster parent, I can make a difference in the lives of these children.  That I can help direct them down the right path, see them transformed and have a future and a hope.

AN AUTUMN BIRTHDAY

Somebody turned 10! It's always safe with pizza and chocolate cake around here, elements that please them all. We gathered in and had a family party for this very special girl. A song of Happy Birthday,10 candles and several gifts to open on this cold Fall evening made everything feel pleasant and cozy.

And though it seems as though she just arrived, she may be leaving us soon...

THE POSITIVES OF FOSTER CARE

So often we hear the negatives about foster care, but let's talk about the positives of being a foster family.

Children in the foster care system are tough to care for because of the neglect and abuse they have suffered in their lives, but they are not impossible to care for. There are many of us who enjoy doing it, so the trials associated with this type of work don't seem like work at all.

If we go into it with an attitude of "how can I help" "how can I make a difference in this persons life" and by keeping our minds and hearts open, making no judgment, but loving and appreciating family enough to want to help them overcome their obstacles and succeed, by being positive and extending ourselves in every way, keeping expectations low, but hoping for the best, in the end there is something to be gained; knowing that we have done our very best.

I have been given a lot of appreciation for the care I give the children in my care. From the social workers and attorneys to the bio families and I find it rewarding to know that my work has been validated.

As a foster parent we can't be afraid of facing problems. If we welcome challenge and the work involved in problem solving, if we want our lives to count for something that is really important to our society, then I can't think of any better or rewarding way than by helping a child in the foster care system.

Being a foster parent means giving up a lot of our freedom. Taking in children means creating problems in our homes, but it also means that we have an opportunity to give back to our communities by helping strengthen and preserve families. I can think of nothing more rewarding.

LET'S TALK ABOUT AUTUMN

The Pacific Northwest is a lovely place to live. We live in wine country and everywhere I look right now I see natural, beautiful scenery. Plump grapes are ready for harvest and leaves are turning red, gold,orange and yellow. Everywhere I see signs of the season changing.

Candied Apples and Carmel Corn are also signs of the changing season and something that we look forward to each and every year. Apple orchards and pumpkin patches are inviting this time of year. Hay rides, a corn maze, apple cider, frosted mornings, apple and pumpkin pies, crunching dry leaves underfoot and leaves rustling in the trees all represent this delicious season.

Whenever I hear the Canadian Geese overhead I know that we are well into Autumn and realize that it is time to prepare my home for the coming winter. For the snuggling in and hunkering down before the hustle and bustle of the coming months activities. Autumn is a time for enjoying a slower paced season as the family draws closer; for lingering just a while longer with a mulled cider, coffee or tea. It's a time for gathering my thoughts in preparation for the season ahead before the cold of winter arrives.  Autumn is the transition from summer to winter...my favorite season of the year.

HE BELONGS WITH US

Over two years ago this little guy came to live with us. He was two years old, scared and hurt. As we opened our home and hearts to him he began to trust us and the construction of a relationship began.

Each child comes with their own special issues and it takes time for them to find the rhythm and routine of our home. They are not accustomed to structure or consistency and it takes many months of hard work  for them to gain the discipline needed in order for me to keep the home running smoothly.  With each new child the work starts all over again, but it is so rewarding to see the fruits of our hard work and such a joy to realize that it can be accomplished.

As a foster parent there is much craziness involved  in my days with all the paperwork, visits and appointments multiplied by the number of children in the home, in our case five at the moment.  One of the challenges of being a foster parent is that there is not alot of free time.  This year, with all the children in school (pre-schoolers part time), I have about six hours a week of just me time, well except when I am sleeping (smile). So when one of these children are released for adoption my heart is heavy as I begin to ponder and wonder and pray and wait on the Lord. 

At my age and as a single parent, I reason that it is better for them to have younger parents and to have a mommy and a daddy who are financially well off.  They deserve to have the best that life has to offer.  So many thoughts race through my mind (would it be right or fair, or perfect for their lives if I were to keep them?  Am I being selfish?), it often takes months making decisions and having a sense of what God's plans are, then I wonder some more. 

There are no guarantees that these children will have the "perfect" forever home, the system must be politcally correct in their decision making and no one is to be prejudiced out.   What I do know is that I can be the best parent I can be, with the help of my Father,  and also be a reflection of God's love to these children.

In those quiet moments when I ponder on all this, I am reminded that these are the Lords children and that He sends these precious treasures  where He sees fit.  He opens doors where He wants them opened and closes them where He wants them closed.  For this child God has opened the door for adoption into our home. 

With so much needing to be done to prepare for the adoption of this little guy it was a bit overwhelming as an addition to all the other craziness of our days, but we have finished the criminal background check, finger printing,  home study  and all the other paperwork involved in an adoption.   He will legally become my son within the next few months!   This is an exciting time for us!