ADORABLE RED HEADS

Late February two little boys came to live with us. One four years and one eighteen months. We are settling in nicely just as the lilacs are blooming and the hostas are popping their heads up out from their winter naps.

It makes me happy to watch things grow and that's just how it is with the babes that come to share some of their lives with us.  It's magical to watch them blossom when they are given opportunities and nurture.  I never want to forget to look around to see how beautiful everything is.  As a garden is a little land of enchantment, so are these precious children with all their new growth.

And, I never like it too quiet around here:)

A BEAUTIFUL FILM

Wow!  I recently watched the film "OCTOBER BABY".  It was powerful and moving, and emotionally gripping.  It addresses deep wounds of the soul from rejection, bitterness and betrayal, then the power of forgiveness.  The movie is interwoven with both humor and seriousness.  It is the story of an adopted abortion survivor who is searching for her birth mother and looking for closure to the deep wounds of her soul.

So many emotions surfaced in my own heart as I watched this movie, having three adopted children of my own.  This movie gave me so much to think about and the parent I want to be for them and all the foster children that come to me.

This is a must see film for anyone who cares about life.

PROUD TO CALL HER DAUGHTER

Blessed beyond measure my life has been since bringing this beautiful young lady home 18 years ago.  Just turning three months when we first met in that small orphanage in Vera Cruz, Mexico, I still remember walking into that dormitory and seeing her for the first time among several others.  Sweet, tiny and precious,  I hoped that she would be mine; as it turned out she was.

And she grew and grew and grew and became a wonderful daughter and friend.  She makes me proud of her so often and she has again recently when we received news that she made the Deans List at College, with a GPA of 3.25.  Congratulations! Great job...I love you so much.

PLACEMENT STABILITY

When foster children leave their families to come into care it is important for them to be able to establish an attachment with the foster family. This helps lessen behavior and mental health disorders. It is a time for healing and where these children should find a stable and nurturing environment. It is our responsibility as foster parents to do everything we can to ensure that these children find security and hope in our homes. This will help, greatly, eliminate the possibility of multiple placements. In-other-words, moving from home to home. Finding ways to connect with the children is important to their well being.

Unfortunately, I so often hear of foster families that cannot handle circumstances surrounding a child placed with them and request that the child be moved. Though I understand that there are situations that warrant a move I firmly believe that with a little hard work and TLC on the part of the foster parent there can be positive outcomes, eliminating the need for a new placement.

As a foster family, I have found that by welcoming the children into our home unconditionally and accepting them as a family member, we have had mostly positive experiences. The children usually accept their new life and develop a sense of belonging and security. Consistently meeting their needs allows attachments to form and brings trust, and that is the goal to being successful. Is it a lot of work? You bet, but the rewards are great.

Every child has strengths and challenges, it is our responsibility to make foster care a place for healing and work through the challenges so that the strengths emerge and stability is established.

The goal is stability, this helps eliminate disruption and the need for multiple moves while in foster care. When a child has consistency and openness they have a general sense of control in their lives.

There is a significant portion of foster children that experience multiple moves during their time in the foster care system, commonly three or more moves. I don't know if there are any statistics to support it, but my guess is that a good portion are related to behavior and mental health problems in these children, and foster families unable to cope.

Over all, I have experienced that by meeting their most fundamental needs and by being consistent in boundaries and expectations, by forming stability and trust, giving love and affection, attachments form and with attachments I have found that the children in my care generally desire to please and make home a fun place to be.

WE'RE GETTING CLOSER

November is officially National Adoption Month and what better time to celebrate our adoption! There is an adoption awareness event happening at Lloyd Center in Portland, Oregon, Here

I just received the adoption paperwork this week, which means we are getting closer to finalizing, and wouldn't it be wonderful if it could happen this month? The adoption worker stopped by and told me that this would be the last time she would visit, yipee!! If you think about it, please help me pray that we can finalize very soon.

The road from the day I first met my little guy until now has been a long one. Two and a half years have passed since that day. It has been a road of many twist and turns, of uncertainty and anticipation. A road to building and growing a family.  One that has been amazing and life changing.

I've had this little one for more than half of his life. He came as a foster child uncertain of his future, but we've loved him as our own and he had become a family member long before now. He has always called me mommy, which is significant to me.

As I began this journey into Foster Care, I had little thought about whether or not I would adopt again. But Gods purposes are always made known as He opens and closes doors. I wanted to help, in some small way, make a difference in the lives of children that were taken out of unfortunate situations. I wanted to give them hope for their futures, to love them and be loved by them. I wanted to give back to my community in a way that would make a difference.  Little did I know the plans God had for me when I started out on this wonderful journey.

As we celebrate our abundance and give God praise for the many blessings he pours out on our lives, we wait.

THE POSITIVES OF FOSTER CARE

So often we hear the negatives about foster care, but let's talk about the positives of being a foster family.

Children in the foster care system are tough to care for because of the neglect and abuse they have suffered in their lives, but they are not impossible to care for. There are many of us who enjoy doing it, so the trials associated with this type of work don't seem like work at all.

If we go into it with an attitude of "how can I help" "how can I make a difference in this persons life" and by keeping our minds and hearts open, making no judgment, but loving and appreciating family enough to want to help them overcome their obstacles and succeed, by being positive and extending ourselves in every way, keeping expectations low, but hoping for the best, in the end there is something to be gained; knowing that we have done our very best.

I have been given a lot of appreciation for the care I give the children in my care. From the social workers and attorneys to the bio families and I find it rewarding to know that my work has been validated.

As a foster parent we can't be afraid of facing problems. If we welcome challenge and the work involved in problem solving, if we want our lives to count for something that is really important to our society, then I can't think of any better or rewarding way than by helping a child in the foster care system.

Being a foster parent means giving up a lot of our freedom. Taking in children means creating problems in our homes, but it also means that we have an opportunity to give back to our communities by helping strengthen and preserve families. I can think of nothing more rewarding.

HE BELONGS WITH US

Over two years ago this little guy came to live with us. He was two years old, scared and hurt. As we opened our home and hearts to him he began to trust us and the construction of a relationship began.

Each child comes with their own special issues and it takes time for them to find the rhythm and routine of our home. They are not accustomed to structure or consistency and it takes many months of hard work  for them to gain the discipline needed in order for me to keep the home running smoothly.  With each new child the work starts all over again, but it is so rewarding to see the fruits of our hard work and such a joy to realize that it can be accomplished.

As a foster parent there is much craziness involved  in my days with all the paperwork, visits and appointments multiplied by the number of children in the home, in our case five at the moment.  One of the challenges of being a foster parent is that there is not alot of free time.  This year, with all the children in school (pre-schoolers part time), I have about six hours a week of just me time, well except when I am sleeping (smile). So when one of these children are released for adoption my heart is heavy as I begin to ponder and wonder and pray and wait on the Lord. 

At my age and as a single parent, I reason that it is better for them to have younger parents and to have a mommy and a daddy who are financially well off.  They deserve to have the best that life has to offer.  So many thoughts race through my mind (would it be right or fair, or perfect for their lives if I were to keep them?  Am I being selfish?), it often takes months making decisions and having a sense of what God's plans are, then I wonder some more. 

There are no guarantees that these children will have the "perfect" forever home, the system must be politcally correct in their decision making and no one is to be prejudiced out.   What I do know is that I can be the best parent I can be, with the help of my Father,  and also be a reflection of God's love to these children.

In those quiet moments when I ponder on all this, I am reminded that these are the Lords children and that He sends these precious treasures  where He sees fit.  He opens doors where He wants them opened and closes them where He wants them closed.  For this child God has opened the door for adoption into our home. 

With so much needing to be done to prepare for the adoption of this little guy it was a bit overwhelming as an addition to all the other craziness of our days, but we have finished the criminal background check, finger printing,  home study  and all the other paperwork involved in an adoption.   He will legally become my son within the next few months!   This is an exciting time for us!

ON BEING A MOM TO MANY

I never imagined that I would be parenting five children as a single mom in her mid-fifties. When my life took a turn I wondered what would come of it, how I would go forward after two decades as a couple. At first were the months of anxiety and fear of the future, but as I began to find my footing God started to open some wonderful doors.

I have always been a stay at home mom, since becoming a mom. I hadn't worked outside the home in almost twenty years and didn't feel that it would be a good time to start, having young children that still needed raising.

I have two wonderful, adopted children, a daughter, from Mexico and the younger, a boy, from the U.S. My son was born heroin and methadone addicted at birth and was diagnosed hearing impaired at age 10. Because of his late diagnoses he has suffered a large language delay. We are working hard to narrow that gap before he starts high school in the next couple of years.

We have been blessed with a lovely home on a couple of acres of property out in the country, with room to grow. I have always wanted to adopt or foster more children, it was something that we often talked about as a couple. It was something that could never materialize while living abroad, in South America.

As I began to ponder my life and future as a single parent I realized the opportunity I had to fulfill my years long dream of adding more children to our home. It has been a journey of learning, loving and living, and I am truly happy to have chosen this path for my life. It has been a tremendous experience. When parenting children that have gone through very difficult situations and separations it is not always a positive experience, there are days when I am frazzled. However, I have been so grateful for the many opportunities I've been given in parenting all my children.

If I can make a difference in the lives of these children then I feel I have fulfilled a dream. They come and they go, but if they can take along a piece of any good thing that I've been able to give them then it has been a worthy sacrifice. These children have things to achieve and places to go in their lives. I love the discipline of approaching each day with open eyes for the needs of all of them, each with their own unique and individual personalities, and helping them find their way down the path of life. I look forward to what the future holds.

AND NOW WE HAVE SIX

A fun, sweet, energetic, sassy, smart, clever and helpful young girl has come to share our home and lives. All the elements to bring delight. Come, we're glad you are here.

I love growing a family...

ON BEING A FOSTER FAMILY

I'd like to share, briefly, something that I haven´t written about, but is very dear to my heart. Our experience as a foster family. I´d like to use this space to share my thoughts and personal experiences with the children who have been in our care. We currently take children who are age seven and under to share our home.

Foster families are ordinary people doing something that is difficult. To the amazement of many we chose to do this simply because we can. Fostering definitely changes the family dynamic, so it can't be done for the wrong reasons. It was important for me to know my children were on board.

In most cases the children that come into our care are carrying a lot of baggage. They have lots of problems. Many are scarred emotionally and physically. We know as a foster family it is going to be hard, but often we can't even imagine how hard. Knowing we are the hope for these children we are ready to get to work and face the challenges ahead of us.

Many of these children say and do hateful things. When one is screaming that they hate you, calls you filthy names, spits at you, throws YOUR valuable things across the room and keeps at it for an hour at a time it can hurt, it can make you angry, it can drain you emotionally. However, among the bad moments there are good ones where you are slowly able to see improvement.

There is a honeymoon period where the children are on their best behavior and when we start to fall in love with them. Knowing part of their story brings sympathy for them even though we know there are difficulties ahead. We weather the storms as attachments form. Will we get tired? Yes! Will we question our sanity? Probably. Is it worth it? Most definitely.

It is so important to take these children in as our own, to the degree that they will allow, and I often find that they are very willing. Children need to feel stable, loved and accepted. They need to know structure, routine and boundaries. Generally, they have never experienced this, having come from very chaotic backgrounds.

In my experience, within a few months I begin to see change in these children. The behaviors from their chaotic past begin to fade away and a new model of them begins to emerge. This is such a wonderful experience and I´ve realized that the hard work that we do as a family investing in these young lives truly makes a difference.

We never really know, in the end, how long they will be with us or where life may take them down the road, but the hope is that this period of time in their lives will come to be a reference point in the difficult issues they may face in their lives in the future. Some will return to their bio-families or relative homes, others into adoptive homes and the older ones will generally transition out of the system to begin a life of independence.

Regardless of what the future holds for them, we consider them our own, we love them, make memories with them and one day we are hopeful that they will remember this time in their lives, and with the grace of God make wise decisions for themselves because of how the course of their lives were changed by knowing our family.

ON MY MIND

He has walked with us since he was two, he is now four. He has played and learned and changed so very much since he came to us, this little boy who was abused, neglected and abandoned. He is now loved so dearly...and has been released for adoption. Please help us pray.